In the message on Sunday, we considered Mark 10:1-12, in which Jesus answers the Pharisees’ question regarding the lawfulness of divorce. His bottomline response derived from Genesis 2:24—“What God has joined together, let not man separate”—is definitive. To many, especially those in difficult marriages, it can seem unreasonable, if not impossible.
As we saw on Sunday, Paul shows us in Ephesians 2-5 why the lifelong, monogamous marriage of a man and woman is not an impossibility: the gospel is true! Because of what God has already done in Christ, we have the resources necessary to joyfully live out the one-flesh relationship prescribed by Jesus’ exposition of Genesis 2:24.
Sometimes my personal devotional Bible reading inadvertently (or providentially!) connects with the passage I’m studying to preach on a given week. This happened last week as I studied for the sermon on Mark 10:1-12.
I was reading Deuteronomy 1-2 where Moses recounts for the people why they spent 40 years in the wilderness. I was struck by the people’s ability to say one thing about God while acting as if the opposite were true. It occurred to me that many of us do this with marriage. We believe big things about God, but that belief stops where our marital difficulties begin. While Deuteronomy 1-2 does not teach us directly about marriage, it does instruct us about the intent and ability of God to provide all that we need in order to follow in obedience. He gives what He requires.
There, Moses reminds the people about their sending spies into the land of Canaan to explore and bring back word regarding the most advantageous way to enter the land. The first words Moses recalled from the spies were, “It is a good land that the LORD our God is giving us” (Deut 1:25b). In other words, they had no question about God’s intention. It was indeed God’s plan to give them the land. There should have been no question regarding His ability, as He had done many mighty works before, during, and after the exodus. Every provision had already been made. The people had only to obey and enter the land, trusting the LORD.
One could say this also about all God’s good gifts, including the gift of a godly marriage. God has called a man and wife to pour themselves out for one another, not merely in accordance with the pattern of Gen 2:24 (“…a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”), but in accordance with Christ’s exemplification of that union (Eph 5:22-33). Every provision has been made in Christ Himself. He has freed us from the sinful tendencies that plague all relationships and provided for us to walk in obedience (Eph 2:1-10). We have only to obey and enter the land, trusting the LORD.
We all know what came next in the story of Israel. They refused because the obstacles seemed too big. Moses recalls, “Yet you would not go up, but rebelled against the command of the LORD your God. And you murmured in your tents and said, ‘…Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, “The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of the Anakim there.”’” What an amazing disconnect. The people were led out of slavery by the mighty hand of the LORD. They witnessed the entire army of Egypt drown in the Rea Sea by the power of the LORD. Yet, they are cowed by giants. In one breath they describe Canaan as “the good land Yahweh is giving us.” In the next, they say the task is impossible.
So also, many facing the obstacles of a broken marriage see no way things can be repaired. Seems too big. They profess belief in a God-man who bore the sins of the world. By His own suffering and death He satisfied the wrath of the Almighty in a single afternoon. Three days later He rose from the dead, signaling victory over sin and death. They profess belief that His very Spirit resides inside them. Yet, they are convinced that past hurts, communication difficulties, antipathy, boredom, and bitterness in their marriage are insurmountable.
Deuteronomy 2 shows that giants aren’t as formidable as the Israelites believed. As Moses continues to recount history, preparing this new generation to take the land, he explains to the people that God is not going to give them Mount Seir, the land of Ar, or the land of Ammon (Deut 2:4-5, 9, 19). Why? Because God already gave those lands to Esau and Lot. Crucially, Moses notes that these lands formerly belonged to the Emim and Rephaim, whom Moses describes as, “a people great and many, and tall as the Anakim” (2:10, 21). How on earth did the people of Esau and Lot take possession of land inhabited by giants?! “The LORD destroyed them before them and they dispossessed them and settled in their place…” (2:21-22).
The not-so-subtle point is that the fear of giants had prevented the Israelites from taking the land God was giving, while God already had a proven track record of giving giant-occupied territories to whomever He pleased. Moses was telling the generation about to take the land of Canaan, “Don’t worry about giants. God has done this for others. He’ll do it again for you. Trust Him and cross into the land.”
Similarly, while some may continue in their doubt that their marriage could ever be repaired, there is a multitude of others who have already trusted the Lord, moved into the land, and seen Him vanquish the giants of their damaged relationships. The reality is that there is no problem outside God’s capacity.
God gives what He requires. That is true in marriage and every other aspect of the Christian life.
“Moving into the land,” “going back to Eden,” and “emulating Christ and the church” could all be ways of saying the same thing. Let us live in light of what God designed marriage to be.
First steps could include: (1) Having a straightforward conversation with your spouse about the state of your marriage and your desire to see it change by the power of Christ; (2) enlisting prayer support from close couple friends; (3) discerning those patterns in your and your spouse’s attitudes and behavior that are not honoring the Lord; (4) work together to address those patterns by putting off ungodly attitudes and behaviors and replacing them with the Christlike opposites; (5) consider getting help in the form of informal or formal counseling.
May we trust that God is who He says He is, and may we live accordingly.
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