Does love equal approval?


Pressure is mounting in the culture to approve of LGBT lifestyles regardless of any incongruity between such approval and one’s closely held religious views.  One common logical assumption used to apply that pressure is the equation of love with approval.  If you love me, you’ll approve of me.   We’ve seen an example in the sports world just this week.

The Tampa Bay Rays hosted a Pride Night over the weekend, during which they gave their players the option of wearing rainbow-themed logos on their hats and jerseys.  Several players opted out. While the team manager said that the team stood by each player’s right to wear or not wear the logos, the team implicitly disapproved of those opting out, choosing one player to speak for those not wearing the logos.  That player, Jason Adams, explained:


"A lot of it comes down to faith, to like a faith-based decision… Because ultimately we all said what we want is them to know that all are welcome and loved here. But when we put it on our bodies, I think a lot of guys decided that it's just a lifestyle that maybe — not that they look down on anybody or think differently — it's just that maybe we don't want to encourage it if we believe in Jesus, who's encouraged us to live a lifestyle that would abstain from that behavior, just like (Jesus) encourages me as a heterosexual male to abstain from sex outside of the confines of marriage. It's no different."[1]  


Essentially, Adams sought to express love for all while disapproving of LGBT lifestyles.  However, the players were labeled bigots and homophobes on TV and social media.  


Such a backlash is not surprising, but what is the logical connection?  How does disapproval of a lifestyle lead to the label of hatred?  Again, there is a logical assumption at play equating love with approval.  If you love me, you’ll approve of me.


This article is not intended to be a guide for dialoging with those who disagree.  My aim is simply to show how the equation of love with approval is illogical, inconsistent, and unbiblical.  Having shown this, I hope that your conscience and mind will be fortified against such pressure.  To adopt such an untenable definition of love is actually the worst thing for those we love.


First, the equation of love with approval is illogical.  Love seeks the highest good of another person.  If I love you, I want what is best for you.  Love will therefore at times, and perhaps frequently, require disapproval.  It is obvious that the people for whom we desire good sometimes make poor decisions, act irresponsibly, or engage in self-destructive behavior.  What does love do in such situations?  It disapproves at the very least.  More likely, it steps in to question those poor decisions, correct irresponsibility, or prevent the self-destructive behavior.  Why?  Love seeks the highest good of another.


Some will argue that LGBT lifestyles do not fall in the realm of poor decision making, irresponsibility, or self-destructive behavior.  In this post, I’m not taking the time to argue the contrary.  I’m simply showing that love cannot be equated with approval.  However, let’s use this sticking point—whether LGBT lifestyles are irresponsible, self-destructive, etc.—to further the case.  Suppose two people, one of whom is actively engaged in a homosexual lifestyle, firmly disagree on this very point.  What does this disagreement say about their capacity to love one another, that is, to desire each other’s highest good?  Nothing significant.  They are still able to desire good for one another.  They simply disagree about what that "good" is.  The homosexual cannot say to the other, “Because you don’t agree with my definition of ‘good,’ you don’t love me, I.e., you don’t want good for me.”  It is the definition of good that is in question, not the desire for good.


A second problem quickly becomes apparent.  The equation of love with approval is inconsistent.  That is, this equation is only selectively applied.  As a culture, as we are raising our children, is our love measured by our approval of their behavior?  Even as parenting has become excessively permissive and child-centered, adults still seek to mold the behavior of their children, implicitly disapproving of certain behaviors and seeking to instill other behaviors.  Do we believe that parents, as an entire segment of society, are generationally bigoted?  Obviously not.  


What about within marriages?  Having performed my share of wedding ceremonies, I can tell you that those who marry without having ever disagreed are a small minority.  In other words, people routinely pledge their lives to one another knowing that they don’t agree with one another, even on major issues.  Are we to believe that massive numbers in our culture are willfully yoking themselves to individuals who hate them?  Obviously not.  


Certainly, even within the LGBT community individuals disagree about a host of issues, including how to raise children, how to spend money, how to steward one’s health, and even how to vote.  Do these disagreements lead to accusations of mutual hatred?  I’m not aware that they do.  


There is even inconsistency in the situation with the Tampa Bay Rays.  Team management said they stood by every players right to do what they wanted.  Yet, they expressed discouragement at a lack of "full participation," implying disapproval of those who opted out.[2]  Was this expression of discouragement/disapproval tantamount to a declaration of hatred?  To my knowledge, no one has labeled the Rays management a collection of bigots.    


It seems then that this equation of love with approval is not so much a universally-applied principle as a tool to induce conformity on a particular range of issues.  Those against whom this standard is selectively brought to bear should recognize its inconsistent application and kindly refuse to accommodate their conscience or thinking to its pressure.  It is not only illogical, but inconsistent.


Most importantly for the Christian, the equation of love with approval is unbiblical.  This can be seen in the example of Christ, the direct teaching of the New Testament, and the nature of the gospel.  


How many times did Jesus express disapproval of those around Him, especially the disciples?  Too many to enumerate here.  A few examples will suffice.  To the disciples, Jesus said, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you?” (Mark 9:19).  To Peter, He said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt 14:31).  Worse: “Get behind me, Satan!” (Matt 16:23).  


Yet, Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”  This was no mere expression of theory, but a forecast of His own loving action on the cross, where He gave His life for those whose lifestyles were so disagreeable they required atonement.  Clearly, in the life of Jesus, love did not equal approval.  In Christ, love atoned for those who could not be approved.


Further, the New Testament commands that love be expressed in ways that assume disagreement and disapproval.  “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matt. 18:15).   “…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, [bear] with one another in love…” (Eph. 4:2).  “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves” (Rom. 15:1).  “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Gal. 6:1).  If love equaled approval, these and many other NT imperatives would be groundless.


Finally, the gospel itself requires that out of love we proclaim the sinfulness of sin and the sufficiency of the Savior.  This assumes disapproval of every behavior that does not coincide with the holy character of God.  It is easy to see then how equating love with approval would undermine the gospel message.  If love equals approval, there is no basis for declaring the danger of sin at all.  After all, on that definition, love would demand that we approve of whatever sin we find in whatever person we love.  If sin is no danger, there is no need for a Savior.  



The pressure to conform our consciences and thinking to the spirit of the age is strong, yet it is founded upon an assumption that does not hold water.  Love does not equal approval.  To disapprove is not tantamount to hate.  To claim that love does equal approval is to engage in illogical, inconsistent, and unbiblical reasoning.  


Believers should strive to love all well.  This means seeking their highest good, reconciliation with the Father through faith in Christ.  As the pressure mounts, let’s submit our consciences and minds to the Scriptures and the God who wrote them. 


[1]  https://www.tampabay.com/sports/rays/2022/06/04/most-but-not-all-rays-show-their-lgbtq-support/

[2]   https://www.foxnews.com/sports/rays-players-break-pride-night-logos-religious

Comments

Unknown said…
This is absolutely fantastic.
An example I like to use to demonstrate this point:
If your son started doing heroin, would you approve of his behavior and affirm him as he destroys himself? The only loving response is to discourage that behavior (at the least) and intervene and call him out of that.
I'm reminded of how Jesus simultaneously rebukes our sinful behaviors yet we need not be offended because He did it out of love demonstrated by His willful sacrifice. He loves us so much that He would do that.. man we really should just shut up and trust Him