There can be great contrasts in our lives and those of our parents, siblings, children, in-laws, friends, and neighbors if they do not share our faith in The Lord Jesus. We all wrestle with how to share the Gospel or how to relate to our families and friends now that we have believed in Jesus and been redeemed. Presenting the Gospel to your young child may not present a challenge to you. Sharing it with an unsaved adult son or daughter is another matter. And what about older unbelieving parents, aunts and uncles who may react as if greatly offended to have their lives challenged someone they consider to still be wet behind the ears? Relationships vary and there is no pill to take that will produce in us a super evangelist to reach those we love. But I will offer a few suggestions.
I remember as a young believer hearing certain church members referred to as “soul winners”. I remember, even then, recoiling at the title, knowing that it is The Lord Himself who draws those He has chosen to Himself. I pray I’m not being too critical – what I believe was intended by that misnomer was a recognition that these people shared the Gospel and saw fruit from it. If we are praying for the souls of those close to us, our desire should be just that – their salvation. I must keep in mind that the salvation of my family members and friends does not depend on me. That is a good thing, because I certainly have not been the perfect witness.
Relationship evangelism is great – provided the relationship doesn’t take precedence over evangelism. We can build relationships with unbelievers with the intention of sharing the Gospel without ever getting to the Gospel. So, it’s important to remember that sharing the Gospel as your goal. As Matt Chandler has written, “Relational evangelism? Go for it - provided it turns into actual evangelism.” My best earthly friend, Harry, has been a great example of this. He is very engaging and has invested in countless lives. He will not hesitate to seize the moment to move to a Gospel conversation in a way that can only be seen as loving. Even now, very weak with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, he is pursuing friends and family sharing his assurance of eternity with Christ. The Lord has blessed me greatly through this saint.
Now, let’s take stock of the environment that may already exist in these relationships.
I have noticed that I can be hard on my family members versus the grace and compassion that I might show to unbelievers I barely know. That may say much about my heart. I have no reason to be arrogant and puffed up. In 1 Corinthians 4:7, Paul wrote “For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you received it, then why do you boast as though you did not receive it?” We must show honor and respect, even if those close to us are living in rebellion to God, and not create another hinderance to the hearing of The Word.
You may think that you must have every aspect of each relationship in perfect order before you can share the Gospel – not so! The truth is, as Christians, living a life transformed by the Gospel includes sharing the Gospel with everyone. But since you already have a close relationship family members and friends, you already have the opportunity.
Our family and closest friends know us best. They know our faults and failures and probably have been on the receiving end of them. This can keep us from sharing Christ with them for fear of being labeled a hypocrite. Those closest to us may also not hesitate to respond with anger to our call to confront their sin and follow Jesus. They may point out where we have failed. Our concern over the established and continuing relationship we have with them can present a challenge. We fear the future will be uncomfortable. But we must ask “Do I value this relationship more than I value their eternal soul?”. We have spoken much at PBF lately about being image-bearers of our Creator. He came into the world as a sin-bearing substitute, suffering for us. As His image-bearers, our love for others will cost us too. Intentional effort is required to overcome timidity, fear, and selfishness and press on in love with the Gospel.
If we care about their salvation and God’s Glory, we will strive to overcome these issues. We will pray and remember that we are not sharing “our faith”. I can’t share my faith with someone else. But I can share The Faith - “the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.” (Jude 3). The Good News.
Again, pray, be honest, be clear, and be confident in your own faith. The content of the message must be as clear as it would if you presented it to a stranger sitting next to you on an airplane who you will likely never see again in this life.
Here are some thoughts on engaging with those close to us so that eventually a loving confrontation may take place when we can present what Scripture tells us about sin, judgment, wrath, Hell, the deity of Jesus, the cross, the resurrection, and the call to belief in Christ.
1. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Have you ever been asked not to interrupt – assuming you know what the other person is going to say without hearing it? (Proverbs 18:13). I have. I can still hear a paralegal at work glaring at me and shouting “Will you please let me finish!” That approach is not a recipe for success in sharing the Gospel. We need to approach every interaction prayerfully and listen closely for the Holy Spirit to direct us concerning when to speak and when to listen. Good questions that may not even include a reference to Jesus or the Gospel can help move us forward. For example, “Are you reading any good books right now?” or “How is your friend dealing with the loss of his mother?” If there is something going on in their life, good or bad, that can lead to such a good question, use that to ask about it and then listen to them and the Spirit.
The idea is to encourage them to express their views and opinions without a direct challenge to what they believe. Your lost friends and family may never ask a question that would lead to a Gospel discussion. We have the Message and must engage with them. Be in an attitude of prayer that you don’t get lost in the conversation about a ball game or remodeling plans and miss openings to acknowledge the One who created us to enjoy such activities.
2. Find Time for One-on-One Conversations
Making time for someone sends a clear message that they are valued and loved by you. This can set the tone for a conversation that can lead to the Gospel. While our goal is to lovingly call our loved ones to repent and trust in Christ, we should recognize that doing so may involve several conversations about who Jesus is and what it means to follow Him. Instead of saving these topics for one-off “evangelistic” conversations, we should speak openly and regularly about our faith and its relevance to every sphere of our life. When we speak, for example, about the peace we have in a difficult time with the knowledge that God is sovereign, knowing we can trust Him, we can be praying that a desire for that peace is forming in that person.
If we really have love and compassion for those around us, we must see them as people not projects. In 1 Thessalonians 2:8, Paul writes: “being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the Gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us”. One the greatest indicators that you are growing in love for your family, friends and neighbors is your readiness to share not only the Gospel but yourself with them - to invest in their lives as you introduce them to Jesus.
Our purpose investing in the lives of others is their good and God’s glory. With every soul that turns to Christ, God’s kingdom advances, and He is magnified. In his book Radical, David Platt writes, “Disciple making is not a call for others to come to us to hear the Gospel but a command for us to go to others to share the Gospel.” “Going” may be just checking in with that loved one, dropping by with a treat, attending a kid’s activity with them or any time you seize to spend with them.
3. Expose Them to the Loving Fellowship of Believers
John 13:35 says “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” I have long referred to this verse as “The Church’s Calling Card”. One of the greatest evangelistic tools available to us is the love Christians have for one another. When PBF friends get together for lunch or some other social activity, invite an unbelieving friend or family member to join you. You don’t have to have a directed spiritual conversation but seeing the caring relationships in “regular people” who also happen to interesting, happy, and intelligent can challenge a person’s notions of who Christians are.
I have joyfully witnessed many within the PBF body bringing friends and family to our church worship services. Many people have never been exposed to a group of Christians taking their faith seriously and joyfully worshipping our Lord, and the experience can generate questions that lead to the Gospel. The manner in which we worship first reflects our love for our God and then for our brothers and sisters. Come to worship remembering that, as we worship, we also represent Christ to those among us who don’t know Him. Each member of your church family can be a partner with you in reaching your loved one.
By the way, times like Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Maundy Thursday, and Easter services in their church are invitation softballs thrown to you. We often find people much more receptive to an invitation to join us at those times. One of the great benefits of having them with us at these times or any PBF worship service is that the Gospel will be clearly presented – give thanks every time they hear it!
4. Be Transparent
I know the word “transparent” is overused. If you know me, you also know that I have a long list of such overused words. But what I have in mind here is having your faith shine through. “Hide under a bushel – No!” As a child, I had no idea what a bushel was, but I understood the point of the song. Romans 1:16 says “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” If I am transparent about every other aspect of my identity, why would I not be so about my identity in Christ.
Speak in terms that reflect that identity. I don’t mean using theological terms like “propitiation” that may distract from the message. But acknowledge God’s Grace and Mercy when it is appropriate. And let your behavior reflect Christ. Most of what people know and think of our conduct is from our speech. 1 Peter 2:12 “Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” You see, honorable living is also evangelistic.
I remember years ago a young friend who upon hearing the Gospel, maybe for the first time, asking “If this is true, why are you all talking about anything else?” A good question. No – every conversation isn’t going to be a Gospel presentation, but neither should our identity as Christ followers be tucked away to only be revealed at what we see as the perfect moment.
The slick and often quoted “Preach the gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words.” has been wrongly attributed to Francis of Assisi, but it’s also not biblical. Sharing the Gospel requires words. Certainly, our lives are to reflect the Gospel with our actions, but our actions fall short of the Gospel. As we strive to live in a manner that honors Christ, we must remember that holy living cannot replace the call to proclaim God’s saving Grace through Christ with the spoken Word – it is necessary!
Transparency also involves humility, asking forgiveness when required and using it as an opportunity to give thanks for the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, acknowledging that you still sin but are thankful for the saving Grace of Christ.
5. Pray
If we are going to engage with others, we must first engage with our Heavenly Father.
You may be thinking “Why didn’t he start with prayer? Why is it the last point mentioned?” I could have started with prayer and ended with prayer. Prayer is critical to every interaction, every invitation, every conversation we have with lost loved ones. So, I chose to make prayer the exclamation point for this blog.
There may be no greater concern for Christians than the members of their families and close friends who have not come to faith in Christ. When we pray for such loved ones, it can be hard to know how and what to pray. Trust the promise of Roman 8:26-27 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[g] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ”
We can be tempted after praying for months or years but seeing no clear change of heart in those for whom we are praying, to doubt that that our prayers will never bear fruit. But we need to be of the same mind as Paul toward his Jewish brothers and sisters in Romans 10:1, “Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.” There is no indication that his prayer for them stopped while he was on Earth.
So, begin to pray for every family member who may not know The Lord. Pray that their hearts be turned to The Lord and that God uses you to make Him known to them and brings other believers into their lives who will be faithful with the message.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time I prayed for my friends and neighbors?” If your answer is “I can’t remember,” or “I don’t think I ever have,” then begin by praying for a heart of compassion for them. Pray that you will see your unsaved friends and neighbors as “harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36) and pray that God would open a door for you to speak to them about Christ and that He would give you both the words and boldness you will need in those moments (Ephesians 6:19-20).
Pray that times will come when you will be able to speak openly and clearly about Christ and the Gospel with loved ones. But pray also for Him to enable you to make the most of opportunities where you can bring biblical thinking naturally into general conversations, with both wisdom and grace, in ways that will make them see the truth of God’s word.
At meals and family gatherings we have the wonderful opportunity to pray the Gospel. Giving thanks to Jesus for cleansing us from our uncleanness and giving us new life can speak to hearts while you speak to Him. Don’t squander these precious opportunities.
Our God has named and numbered the stars in the sky and still has counted the hairs on our heads. He cares for me and you, our families, our friends, and our neighbors. Though He controls and oversees all creation, He is thinking of us when we fall asleep and when we awake, He is still thinking of us. And He hears the prayers of His children - including our prayers for those dear to us.
Pastor Dan
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