All of us have experienced conflict and been wrongly accused based upon false assumptions. A co-worker, family member, church member, or neighbor assigns a malevolent motive to something that we’ve done or accuses us of an ungodly word or deed…yet they are completely wrong.
We’ve likely also struggled to know how to handle it. Aren’t we supposed to love our enemies, not repaying evil for evil? Didn’t Jesus refuse to defend himself, “like a sheep that before its shearers is silent”? And yet, might it be unloving of us to allow someone to continue thinking untrue things?
What is the right thing to do?
First, we probably shouldn’t apply Jesus’ example of silence before the slaughter as a blanket over all instances of conflict.
Isaiah 53:7 reads: He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.
So we may think, “I shouldn’t defend myself at all or correct the person’s thinking. Rather, I should be like Jesus.”
That would be a misunderstanding of the Lord’s example and how the NT applies it. First, to be completely accurate, it’s not right to say that Jesus didn’t open his mouth at all. He actually did. “Which one of you convicts me of sin?” is a question Jesus asked in a particularly contentious confrontation with the Jews in John 8. They followed by accusing Jesus of being demon-possessed, to which He responded, “I do not have a demon…” (John 8:49). Jesus didn’t remain silent everytime someone accused Him of sin or made a false claim about Him.
Jesus didn’t even remain totally silent in His final hours. Jesus had much to say during His arrest and trials (John 18:19-21, 23, 36, 37 ). He corrected some thinking about Himself and made statements that certainly sounded like a defense against wrong-doing (see especially Matt 26:55-56).
To what then does Isaiah refer regarding Jesus’ silence before the shearers? It appears that when Jesus could have said something specifically to prevent Himself from going to the cross, He said nothing (John 19:7-11). Why? He was determined to fulfill the Father’s mission.
Interestingly, when Peter points to Jesus’ example, he points not to Jesus’ silence but to Jesus’ not responding in kind. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten…” (1 Pet 2:23).
Paul also defended himself in Acts, demanding to go all the way to Caesar for an audience. Acts 25:8 reads, Paul argued in his defense, "Neither against the law of the Jews, nor against the temple, nor against Caesar have I committed any offense." He then appealed all the way to Caesar. If you know Acts, you know that the rest of the narrative is about the journey to make his way to Rome to do just that--make his defense to Caesar.
To characterize the Lord’s example as one of not correcting any misunderstanding on the part of the accusers is not accurate. He did. Plus, His situation was somewhat unique in that He had to get to the cross and the only way to do that was to be silent at His trials. We are explicitly called to emulate not His silence, but His non-retaliatory response. It is likely not the case that Jesus’ “silence before the shearers” is intended to be a principle for dealing with conflict.
Second, for the sake of the relationship and the gospel, as much as possible, we should seek to remove all misunderstanding.
“Love your enemies…” (Matt 5:44). Some appeal to that verse to avoid confrontation or to avoid correcting people’s thinking, but is that loving? No, it allows them to remain in error about us in such a way that perpetuates a rift in the relationship.
It also allows them to continue in the habit of making wrong assumptions about others. There is a way to correct people’s assumptions while gently teaching them the biblical principles that govern these things.
Proverbs 18:13 - He who gives an answer before he hears, to Him it is folly and shame.
Proverbs 18:17 - The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
If someone is violating these principles with you, they likely are violating them with others. It is unloving to allow them to damage all those relationships when you could correct them.
Is it good for the gospel to let people think wrongly about us? If an unbeliever thinks wrong things about us as believers, it skews their perception of the gospel. If they are a believer, allowing them to think wrongly about us perpetuates a conflict that damages the picture of unity that the gospel is supposed to create among believers. In either case, for the sake of the gospel, as much as possible, we should seek to correct their wrong thinking.
Third, our motive should be one of love and not vindication.
This is implied in what’s been written above. We should have a conversation out of care for the person who thinks wrongly about us and out of concern for gospel. If we are prone to jump at the chance to defend ourselves for the sake of vindication, we need to do some serious praying so that we approach it rightly.
If we pursue vindication, we may actually be violating Scripture. Let’s face it, it hurts to be falsely accused and to have wrong motives assigned to things that we’ve done. Our sinful hearts may want vengeance as well as vindication. But Romans 12:19 reads, Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Our motive must be love; we should leave vindication and vengeance to the Lord.
Fourth, once we have tried to correct misconceptions, we should rest in Romans 12:18.
Romans 12:18 reads, If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
To lovingly correct one’s thinking for the sake of the relationship and our gospel witness IS seeking to live peaceable as far as it depends upon us. “So far as it depends on you” is the key clause. There is only so much that you can do. If you have tried to correct the other person’s thinking and that other person is determined to think wrongly about you, there is nothing you can do about it. You have to trust the Lord with it, as the following verse teaches.
That doesn’t mean you wash your hands of the relationship, but rest with a good conscience, knowing that you’ve done what the Lord requires of you. You’ve tried to bring clarity to the situation for the good of all involved.
May the Lord grant us to wisely respond when wrongly accused!
Comments