For This Pleases the Lord: Parenting with Purpose

 

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Colossians 3:21

What motivates your parenting?

I'm pretty confident all Christian parents want God to be glorified in their parenting (1 Cor 10:31). But are there rivals to this resolve? I’ve caught myself parenting lately with divided motivations. I often want ease in parenting rather than the hard work of bringing my children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). It's easier in the short-term to shut down or cover up bad behavior rather than cultivate long-term obedience in the heart. My “shema” often touts an entitlement mindset, teaching “Thy father is one!,” where my kids are expected to bend to my wishes with all their heart, soul, and might (Deut 6:4). When I am in my house or walking along the way (Deut 6:7), I tend to bark commands rather than promote healthy obedience. This goes for obedience to me as a steward of their souls and to God as the one to whom they must give an account (Heb 4:13). 

The simplest of lines in the Bible are sometimes the most striking. Colossians 3:21 has proven a chief example in recent days. Under the banner of a Christian home, children are to obey their parents in everything. (Of course, this command is negated if the obedience requested is an act of sin [Acts 5:29].) According to one commentator, “the injunction to children, like that to slaves, is put rather more strongly than the one to wives” (Peter T. O’Brien, et. al., Colossians, Philemon, 224). In other words, whereas the call to wives carries the force of voluntary submission—an act of joyful worship unto the Lord—the required obedience of children is absolute—no exceptions.

Because children are required to obey parents in all matters, we must evaluate whether our everything encompasses the priorities of Scripture. In other words, are the “everythings” in our parenting shaped by what most magnifies Christ and advances His Kingdom, or do they only serve us and ours? For example, there should be a holy angle in the small details of life as well as the more involved. Having children unload the dishwasher is more than just sharing the workload of the home. It’s expecting servitude in life under the Lordship of Christ. Expecting children to take care of their toys and belongings is not just a way to save money, but rather an opportunity for them to learn stewardship of what God has blessed them with. Requiring a consistent schedule for personal devotions is a way to promote training in the likeness of Christ (1 Tim 4:7b-8). The list goes on and on…

Such acts of obedience—those aligned with Kingdom priorities—highlight the importance of what comes next in Colossians 3:21: for this pleases the Lord. This is why parents demand obedience. It's a matter of the Lord's pleasure. It's a matter of the heart. (And in the context of Ephesians, it simply is right [6:1].) This motivation is helpful in at least a handful of ways. First, it drives godly parenting. More than we should want our children to obey us, we must want them to experience the delight of obeying their good Creator and Lord. (We must also want them to recognize the tension in their tender hearts when misalignments surface, and thus be encouraged back to what is best.) Second, it guards godly parenting. If our task as parents is to help our children please the Lord, it is not to please ourselves. Adopting this mindset should increasingly eradicate any impulse to provoke our children toward discouragement and anger (Col 3:21; Eph 6:4). Though unwavering on expectations, godly parenting is about guiding children to a greater joy. Therefore, the third motivational component is that requiring full obedience leads children to more robust life of worship. To use the apostle John’s words in reference to those he ministered to: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth (3 Jn 1:4). How can this be? John says in his first letter that adherence to the truth (obedience) is a matter of joy being completed (1 Jn 1:4). No matter the age and role of a Christian, Scripture-aligned obedience leads to greater joy within a reconciled relationship with the Father. We should desire this as those individually striving toward holiness, and we should desire this for our children.

As parents, we want to give our children the best we can. In Christ, we can guide them toward what is best—pleasing the Lord—by expecting their obedience. This means freedom for believing children to thrive in their relationship with the Father in the power of the Spirit; it also means safety for unbelieving children, helping them understand their greatest need to be reconciled with the Father through Christ. John Piper comments, "Children need to obey before they can process obedience through faith. When faith comes, the obedience which they have learned from fear and reward and respect will become the natural expression of faith. Not to require obedience before faith is folly. It's not loving in the long run" ("Parents, Require Obedience of Your Children," 1).

Let us be parents who align the “everythings” in life with the Scriptures, requiring full obedience for the honor of Christ and our children’s greatest joy in Him. It's for the long-term good of our children's hearts and the long-term glory of our gracious Rock and Redeemer.

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For further reflection, spend time considering these questions:

1) Am I divided in my motivations for parenting? Do I aim to parent for the honor of self or Christ?

2) What adjustments would foster better parenting for the glory of Christ? Am I too heavy-handed or too lax with what is expected within the home?

3)  Do I not expect what I should from an unbelieving child? If so, what changes need to be made? What conversations need to be had?

4) Whose help should I pursue in order to correct recognized parenting deficiencies? 

5) Do I recognize God’s amazing grace in previous failed attempts to parent well? If not, confess this to the Lord, receive forgiveness, and move on in the strength of the Spirit! (Remember, the goal of parenting is not perfect parenting that produces perfect children; it is a matter of faithful parenting that trusts God with the production of faithful followers of Christ.)