Growing up, there were many things my parents taught me. This included basic life skills like reading and driving along with more nuanced things like applying for a job or praying well to God. Other bits of knowledge and life skills almost came by osmosis. Simply by being with them, I saw how to shop for sales, have a strong work ethic, be kind to strangers, grieve losses, prioritize serving in the church, and much more. This is a normal part of parenting and I’m not sure they thought too much about it.
But there were other things that my parents couldn’t teach me. As an only child, my parents didn’t have experience to pass on to for raising multiple children. Computers were something I only encountered at school, not home. Neither of my parents were pastors or preachers and had little to share as I prepared for ministry (other than years of commenting on our pastors’ sermons!). In these instances, I needed someone else to come alongside me and “parent” me. Not in a literal sense, but in the sense of training, guiding, or setting an example for me.
As principles of disciple, all of this is also true in the life of the church. One of the deep desires the elders have is for more mature and experienced members of PBF to help invest in the church’s younger members. This principle of discipling across generations, outside of immediate family, is found
This kind of discipleship can be an intentional imparting of life or ministry skills as young women learn how to lead Bible studies and young men prepare for the pastorate. It can also involve training for kids ministry for those who don’t have kids or showing someone how to pull weeds or operate a mower around the church grounds. But it can also much less structured and far more meaningful that too. Imagine the person who didn’t grew up in church and whose parents aren’t believers. How will he or she learn to think Christianly about work, marriage, child-raising, ministry, and more without someone farther down the road of faith to come alongside to “parent” them?
Certainly, we can have Sunday School classes for some of these things. But more impactful would simply to be letting that younger person spend time with the more mature believer. Again, Christians are meant to live in a way that can be imitated by others—imitating godly believers as they imitate Christ (1 Cor 11:1). And just like every kids absorbs a way of life from being with their parents, so believers will be influenced toward maturity just be being with other growing believers. This can happen by them just being at their house some evenings and weekends; hanging out together talking about life while someone running errands; going on double-dates and seeing the fruit of years in a loving marriage; tagging along on a hospital visit to see how you encourage the sick; spending time praying together or talking about the Sunday sermon, a personal struggle or, a difficult passage in their Bible reading. These situations represent the kind of casual but intentional life-on-life discipleship we should be seeking in the life of the church.
Immediately, there may be questions in your mind about this, especially if this idea is new to you—or seems challenging. So, let me head off a few possible concerns.
First, remember you’re not adopting someone for life. Meet for however long is helpful. Just be sure to have a conversation as you consider moving in a different direction (maybe to invest in someone else) so th other person doesn’t feel hung out to dry.
What if someone has difficult baggage from the past they can’t deal with and you don’t feel qualified to handle? You might be able to help more than you think, but it’s always okay to ask the elders for help. That doesn’t mean you need to stop being around. Just do what God has equipped you to do and let others serve as they can.
You might also question if you have the time for something like this. We aren’t talking about hours and hours every week. At the same time, that question may also be an opportunity for you to reconsider how you’re spending your time.
Lastly, you may be on the end of wanting someone to invest in you and be unsure how to connect. Again, the elders are happy to help. But a simple way to begin is to look around at people you interact with at church—in HFG, GTG, Reveille, Sunday School, etc. Ask about getting together and see where it leads. You may need to try reaching out to more than one person before the relationship clicks.
Several year ago, I met a man named Henry Dishberger. He was a little older than my parents and had been walking with the Lord for decades. He served as treasurer of our baptist association of churches in mid-Michigan, was a trustee at one of our seminaries, and ministered in his local church. I served with him on committees and got to know him pretty well. He was a great encouragement to many. Then, after what appeared to me mild health problems, doctors told him he was terribly sick and didn't have long to live. Within a few weeks, he was in the hospital and would not return home. Yet Henry remained confident in the Lord up to the end. In his last days, his children and grandchildren were brought in to see him, whereupon he exhorted them to trust Christ and prayed over each one individually. In-between visits, he sung hymns and witnessed to nursing stuff. I had never heard of or seen such faith in the flesh. Just by being around Henry, the Lord bolstered my faith and provided an example for my own final days.
Imagine what the Lord might do in the midst of our congregation if we began reaching across generations for intentional discipleship, moving toward Christian faithfulness in the everyday circumstances of life!
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