Suspicion is perception gone askew. It involves relentless, irrational thoughts that assume someone is against you. It is parasitic behavior (fruit) that flourishes when nourished by the heart issues (roots) of jealousy, anger, worry, fear, and anxiety—anything that inflates self and deflates God’s glory. Some call it relationship paranoia; others call it skepticism, distrust, or even incredulity. The Bible would have us understand it as a chronic failure to love God and others (Matt 22:37-39; 1 Cor 13:1—13).
Saul is by far the poster child for suspicious behavior in the Scriptures, though the story of King Hanun has much to offer (2 Sam 10:1-5; cf. 1 Chron 19:1-9):
1 Samuel 18:5-9 (ESV) — And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants. 6 As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. 7 And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” 8 And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9 And Saul eyed David from that day on.
The Lexham English Bible translates verse 9 this way: So Saul was watching David with suspicion from that day onward.
What was Saul’s perception? He unwaveringly equated David’s success with his own loss of status. Was his perception skewed? Absolutely! Nowhere in the text is David portrayed as vying for Saul’s position. Saul had no evidence to conclude that David had purposed in his heart to oppose him and usurp his leadership. (Keep in mind, Saul was already pretty bitter in his blatant unrepentance, having been rejected by the Lord for unlawful sacrifice [13:8-14] and failing to annihilate the Amalakites [15:1-35]. He knew someone else was being sought out by the Lord to lead.) And so, treating irrational thoughts as truth, Saul gave vent to sinful anger and jealousy. Anticipating a threat (i.e., losing the kingdom), he lashed out in suspicion and, as we’ll see, a connected host of sinful behaviors. A celebration of the Lord’s victory became an occasion for Saul’s heart to be exposed. Instead of humility, he chose to turn his gaze away from the Lord and, worried, turned toward self-interest, self-aggrandizement, and self-preservation. The breakdown wasn’t a temporary flare of emotion, either. It was settled jealousy; it was ongoing, suspicious thinking and behavior. All of this is quite striking, considering that David once found favor in Saul’s sight and a welcoming spirit among the royal family. This shows how blurred perspective becomes when sin grips the heart.
Notice what happens next:
1 Samuel 18:10-16 — The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. 11 And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice. 12 Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul. 13 So Saul removed him from his presence and made him a commander of a thousand. And he went out and came in before the people. 14 And David had success in all his undertakings, for the Lord was with him. 15 And when Saul saw that he had great success, he stood in fearful awe of him. 16 But all Israel and Judah loved David, for he went out and came in before them.
God began to make it abundantly clear to Saul that he was done and David had just begun. But he wasn’t going down without a fight. Two hurls of the spear proved ineffective. Saul’s anxiety intensified. He commissioned David to a military task obviously below his pay grade. David complied and succeeded, for the Lord blessed him. Saul’s anxiety intensified.
The cycle continues to the end of 1 Samuel. (This would be a good time to skim through it.) Saul ruthlessly and irrationally schemes to secure his prominence; the Lord shuts it down, and David escapes with favor from the Lord and a greater measure of Saul’s disdain. Eventually, Saul’s own sword ends his life, and God’s sovereign purposes move forward.
In Saul’s story, suspicious behavior sprouted from the heart-soils of sinful anger and jealousy. It grew from arrogant, rash judgments. It surfaced from failing to see that no one can thwart God’s good pleasure and holiness. It multiplied as a result of attempting to skirt around repentance when the conscience was pricked. It resulted from unchecked emotions. It emerged from self-judgment that lacked sober-mindedness.
Some of us may struggle with similar thoughts and behaviors. We may not be fashioning spears in our garages, but we likely fashion insults and assumptions in our hearts. Sometimes these insults are hurled into conversations that drip with gossip and slander. At other times, our suspicion keeps us spiritually dull and apathetic in exhibiting one of the most basic forms of love across human relationships: believing the best (1 Cor 13:7).
Minds unguarded, and without an honest look at the data, we entertain statements like:
“I just have a hunch that she is _____________.”
“I just know that he is saying _____________ about me.”
“It can only be that they are ________________.”
“They are without a doubt watching and waiting for me to _________________.”
Like Saul, many enter fight mode. Some even form alliances based on unfounded claims of victimization. For others, isolation, trending toward an embittered spirit, charts the course. Many vacillate between the two. Nonetheless, both fall short of trusting God. Both fail to interpret data in light of God’s Word. Both sow discord instead of promoting peace and unity. Both have too much “self” in the mix.
There is a better way. Scratch that, there is a biblical way. Here are just a handful of items to consider:
When suspicious, ruminate on God’s character. He is the template we are commanded to image in the world. He is sovereign over every circumstance and promises to use every each trial—perceived or real—for our good and His glory. It is our joy to faithfully mirror him in all things.
Exodus 34:6-7 — The LORD passed before [Moses] and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty…
Psalm 145:9 — The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.
Romans 12:19 — Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
1 John 4:7-8 — Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
When suspicious, ruminate on the grace that overwhelmed your sin. When you were unlovable, dead in your sin, God loved you relentlessly in Christ. God’s grace has an extreme dampening effect on our suspicion.
Romans 5:6-11 — For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Ephesians 2:1-10 — And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the flesh and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 4:31-32 — Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
When suspicious, resolve to only interact with the truth. We are commanded to engage truth; it helps us discover error. Emotions are terrible interpreters. When it comes to suspicion, we must interact with actual data, not assumed information. We must also consider whether we have contributed to the situation in any sinful way. For example, the suspicious person's previous behavior may have given someone else good reason to distance themselves. It may also be that we are bearing guilt in other areas before the Lord, which might lead to unsettled emotions and a suspicious posture. Additionally, when considering contributing factors to your suspicion, it’s not outlandish to consider dietary and sleep habits.
Philippians 4:8 — Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Ephesians 4:25-27 — Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
When suspicious, resolve to believe the best until clarity is obtained. The “until” is key here. Clarity should be pursued as soon as possible. In the meantime, consider the person’s long-term character, not just odd glances and awkward conversations. It could be that the other person is just having a bad day.
1 Corinthians 13:7 — Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Romans 12:18 — If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Ephesians 4:1-3 — I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
When clarity is obtained, spend time praising God for refusing to let suspicious behavior ruin a relationship. It is no small achievement to maintain relational harmony. Thanksgiving is duly in order.
Psalm 34:1 — I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
Ephesians 4:1-3 — I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Colossians 3:12-15 — Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
When you are perpetually suspicious, consider seeking biblical counseling. We all have spiritual blind spots. An unbiased evaluation of the variables may be just what you need to gain traction in overcoming sinful suspicion. It’s likely that suspicion is an outworking of a much deeper heart issue. God has designed the local church to sufficiently address the nuances of such matters.
Romans 15:14 — I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.
1 Thessalonians 5:14-18 — And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Galatians 6:1-2 — Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Far from approaching suspicion with a take-two-verses-and-call-me-in-the-morning posture, I recognize the torment of experiential variables. There's often a wrestling with what is actually sin and what is healthy behavior — especially when discerning godly anger and good jealousy. You may feel confused, stuck, or even hopeless. I promise God's Word will not fail you.
If these things apply to you, go ahead and sign up for Coffee with a Counselor. Let's talk. Let's pray. Let's seek the Lord together.