Proverbs 20:7 reads, “The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” That is, the person who lives a life consistent with what he claims to be true will be a blessing to his children. Rather than merely telling his children the way they should go, he shows them by his own life.
Training our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord certainly includes formal instruction in the truth. At least as crucial is what we teach them with our lives. To the extent that our lives are consistent with our formal instruction, we are a blessing to our children. To the extent that our lives contradict, the formal instruction will likely be drowned out.
Our example and daily rhythm of life is a key part of our parental influence. It ought not be set against formal instruction, but set in concert with it. This serves not only to plot a course for them, but to model the trustworthiness of that course.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 seems to picture this kind of spoken and lived instruction:
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
This can’t be merely formal instruction. Rather, the Lord intends for love for God and the keeping of His commandments to be the rhythm of life in the home—what we do, what we talk about, what we direct our minds and lives toward. It is not a five-minute lesson, once per day separated by hours of functional godlessness. Rather, knowing and loving God is to be the air we breathe.
Clearly, the Scriptures would have parents to set the tone in this. To raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is to fortify formal instruction with the practical invitation, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1).
With that in mind, it is worth considering occasionally…what is my life teaching my kids?
What is my life teaching my kids…about relationships? We’ve likely instructed our children from passages like Hebrews 10:24-25 regarding the importance of church in the life of the believer. Have we modeled that reality by prioritizing discipleship personally? Are we committed to Home Fellowship Groups? Does our own calendar reveal the conviction that we need other people and they need us? Does Mom meet with women? Does Dad meet with men?
Similarly, we teach our children to reconcile relationships, confessing sin, seeking and extending forgiveness (Jas 5:16; Matt 6:14-15). Have we shown them by our own example what it looks like to persevere through conflict? Have our children heard us express repentance and seek forgiveness? Have they heard us graciously receive a confession and extend forgiveness? In the aftermath of a conflict, have they known us to press into renewed fellowship?
What is my life teaching my kids…about devotion? Many families are quite conscientious about family devotions, reading, praying, and singing together. We’ve instructed our children about the value of walking with the Lord and the universal need for fellowship with Him. But have we modeled devotion outside of family devotions or church attendance? Does our morning routine indicate to them that we truly believe we need the Lord? If we’re pressed for time, what is the first thing that get’s sacrificed—prayer?
What is my life teaching my kids…about service? The natural self-centeredness of childhood provides every parent with ample opportunities to give instruction about serving others. But what do they see us doing? Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Are we the chief servants in our homes? Do we model meaningful church membership for them? When they grow up and leave, will they believe it is the norm to invest time in serving the church, the neighborhood, the family?
What is my life teaching my kids…about worship? Certainly, we’ve told our children there is only one God. But have they seen that to be true in our lives? Or have we modeled a kind of polytheism—formally worshiping the God of the Bible while functionally worshiping lesser created things? In other words, what are our affections, desires, priorities, and choices teaching them about worship?
Based solely on our example, would our children have any concept of informal worship—doing all things to the glory of God? (Col 3:17) Or would they assume there must be a hard boundary between “worship” and “everyday life”?
What is my life teaching my kids…about stewardship? We’ve likely taught our children that God created everything, therefore owns everything, therefore, has the right to do what He will with all things (Psa 24:1-2). But what would our children believe about who ultimately owns all things…simply by watching how we steward what has been entrusted to us?
Do Mom and Dad live as if God owns their bodies, time, money, talents, and careers? Do we take care of our bodies in such a way that it’s clear God owns them? Do we steward our finances in ways indicating that all belongs to Him, not just the offering we give on Sunday? Do we burn time on frivolities, suggesting that the Lord is perhaps not Lord of the hours?
May we be careful to instruct our children in the faith. May we also be careful to live it in front of them. Let us walk in our integrity and so be a blessing to our children (Prov 20:7).
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