“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
Matthew 5:9
When there is a conflict, who has the responsibility to seek reconciliation? Let’s remove ourselves from the realm of the hypothetical and think back to a time when we or others around us were involved in a conflict. With our actions how did we answer that question? Who did we believe had the responsibility to seek reconciliation? For many of us, our actions answered loudly, “Everyone else!”
In the aftermath of conflict, we are quite skilled at convincing ourselves that we of all people have little or no responsibility to make things right. The offender rarely sees himself as the sole offender. He tells himself that he’ll be quite willing to reconcile as soon as the other party approaches. The offended typically holds a sense of moral superiority, which manifests in thoughts like, “Why should I pursue the other person. I didn’t do anything wrong.” The bystander finds it easiest of all to continue just…standing by: “Look at these two. Breaks my heart. But I’m not the Holy Spirit. It’s really none of my business.” None of these attitudes take seriously the nature of the church and the reputation of Christ.
Love and unity are intended to be defining characteristics of the New Testament church. Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). When Paul calls the church to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, eagerness to “maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” is at the top of his mind (Eph 4:1-3). Indeed, unity—the bringing together of God with man and man with man—is the great feat of the gospel itself (Eph 2:11-22). Therefore, when we tolerate disunity in the form of unresolved conflict, we display an anti-gospel with our lives while proclaiming the gospel with our lips.
When there is conflict, everyone has the responsibility to seek reconciliation—the offender, the offended, and the bystander.
The Lord expects the offender to seek reconciliation: “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23–24). A suggested course of action: (1) go to the offended; (2) confess your sin using biblical terms, making no excuses; (3) express your repentance; (4) ask forgiveness; and (5) inquire if there is any other offense for which you need to take responsibility.
The Lord expects the offended to seek reconciliation: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matt. 18:15). “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). It is wise to ask questions before making accusations. Proverbs 18:13 provides a great principle in this regard: If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. What you may think was a sin against you may be nothing but a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Ask questions first to determine if a sin was actually committed. (“This is how things appeared to me…Did I misunderstand?”) If a sin was actually committed, gently show the person from the Scriptures. Express your concern for them and remind them that for their own spiritual good, they should repent and seek forgiveness.
The Lord expects the bystander to seek reconciliation: I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life (Phil. 4:2–3). That Paul calls out two women by name in a public letter should indicate how serious this issue is. He then calls the generic bystander, whom he identifies as “true companion,” to help them reconcile. In other words, anyone who is a true friend of these woman should come alongside them regarding this issue. This could take different forms in practice. The true companion could go to each person separately appealing to them to make things right in accordance with the Scriptures. He could bring them together into one meeting and mediate. In the absence of movement on either side, he could enlist more help to bring loving pressure toward a reconciliation.
In the event of a conflict, there should be no shortage of people seeking a godly restoration of that relationship. We most likely all have failures in our past in this regard, both distant and recent. Let us repent of our complacency, love the unity of the body which commends the gospel to a lost world, and seek reconciliation quickly no matter who did what to whom!
Jesus indicates in Matthew 5:9 that peacemaking is ultimately a happy business. "Blessed" means "happy." Happy are the peacemakers. Why? They will be called sons of God in that they do what God does. As His gospel proclaims, God is the greatest of all peacemakers. So, let us live out the gospel by maintaining the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
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