However, some Christians give up on accountability because, “it doesn’t work.” That is, it is practiced in such a way that it doesn't lead to greater godliness or freedom from sin. Others find a brand of accountability that “works,” but which leads them either to rely on something other than the God of the Bible or to settle for something less than real sanctification.
What are the marks of accountability that is both effective and God-honoring?
- It is thoroughly Christ-focused.
Col. 1:28: Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.
Accountability relationships tend to be focused on killing sin. Killing sin is a good thing. However, we weren’t created merely not to sin. We were created to love and image (display the character and conduct of) God. For this reason, the foundational instruction of the Bible is to love God above all things (Deut 6:4-9; Mark 12:28-34). Further, in our relationships we are instructed to stir one another up to love and good deeds (Heb 10:24-25).
This is not to say that killing sin has no place in accountability relationships. Certainly, it does. However, it should take place in the context of mutual encouragement to know Christ, love Him more deeply, and become like Him. Effective accountability will not only ask hard questions about sin, but will spend ample time magnifying Christ through rich, Scripture-driven conversation about our common hope in Him.
- It is committed to gospel-striving.
Some accountability relationships fail because the participants don’t truly hold one another accountable. That is, they too easily excuse sin. In other cases, accountability fails because in the wake of sin, the participants prod one another to simply try harder, without reference to the truth of the gospel.
The antidote to both pitfalls is what we might call gospel-striving. In the wake of sin, we should bring the gospel to bear on one another’s lives. Specifically, as does the gospel preaching in Scripture, we should call one another to repentance (Mark 1:14-15; Acts 2:38, 3:19, 17:30).
We should then call one another to renewed faith in Christ, reminded of the sufficiency of His sacrifice to cover that sin. 1 Pet. 2:24: He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.
We should then call one another to strive for Christlikeness in the power of the Holy Spirit, trusting Him for the power to do so. Phil. 2:12–13: Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
- It is dependent upon honesty.
Eph. 4:25: Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Accountability will only be as effective and God-honoring as the participants are honest. Each participant must be committed to godly transparency in the confession of sin (Jas 5:16). If you are covering up your sin, your lack of desire for worship, or anything else, you are wasting the time of everyone involved. Worse, you are dishonoring “the unlying God,” whose very nature is the source of all truth (Titus 1:2).
Likewise, each participant must be committed to speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15-16). As assumed by the point above, accountability requires loving confrontation. When a brother or sister can’t see the truth clearly, they need another to come alongside and lovingly show it to them. When we shade the truth in a misguided attempt to spare one another’s feelings, we render accountability ineffectual.
- It is appropriately confidential.
Prov. 17:9: …he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Some accountability relationships die because something shared in confidence is repeated outside the circle. If the relationship doesn’t end immediately in the wake of this violation, the betrayal of trust will hinder transparency going forward. All parties must be committed to appropriate confidentiality.
“Appropriate” assumes that there may be a time when confidentiality is not appropriate. There may be times when for the good of the partner or the good of others, the circle must be judiciously enlarged. An extreme example: if a brother or sister confesses a temptation to harm children in some way but does not agree to cease working in the children’s area at church, it would be appropriate to make the situation known to an elder who can help deal with the situation. A not so extreme example: a brother or sister is engaged in gross, unrepentant sin. The Scriptures require the increasing widening of the circle of knowledge until there is repentance (Matt 18:15-17; 1 Cor 5).
- It is rigorously consistent.
Eph. 4:16: …when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
If accountability would be effective it must be…something on which you can count! Inconsistency is a prolific killer of this kind of relationship. Imagine that one meeting is missed for whatever reason. "Participant A" leaves it to "Participant B" to reschedule. Perhaps "Participant B" does reschedule. If "Participant B" remains the only determined partner, always taking the initiative to maintain consistency, eventually that person can feel as if he or she is dragging a dead body around, and may give up out of sheer exhaustion. If both participants are similarly hesitant to plow forward, the relationship will fizzle out much quicker.
Both participants must make such a priority of the relationship that if a cancelation is required they both are seeking to immediately reschedule, understanding that passivity is the death knell of accountability.
- It works in concert with other means of grace.
Accountability is not intended to be a cure-all for sin. It is not intended to be a magic pill that we take to make us love the Lord more. Rather, accountability should be thought of as a single instrument in an orchestra. Other instruments include worship, service, evangelism, and private devotions. We must be engaged in vibrant worship, both formally and informally (Eph 5:18-21; Rom 12:1-2). We must be engaged in active service as devoted members of a local body (Eph 4:7-16). We must be engaging the lost with the good news (2 Cor 5:18-19). We must be pursuing the Lord privately in our regular devotions (Psalm 1:1-3; 1 Thess 5:17).
May the Lord use such relationships to stir us up to love and good deeds!
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