Numerous members have approached me in the last week regarding the sermon on gossip to share renewed commitments to godly speech, to ask follow-up questions, and to share testimonies of growth in this area. It’s been a very encouraging week!
One follow-up question represented a common situation, and I thought I would share it here along with my thoughts. The basic idea of the question: “I’ve had several conversations lately with a professing believer who is little more than an acquaintance to me. This person has tended toward making derogatory comments about a third party. In light of the gossip sermon, I do not want to participate. My concern is that I don’t know this person very well and am afraid that saying anything too straightforward will come across as ‘high-and-mighty.’ So I’ve tried to just change the subject. Is there anything more or different I should do?”
I’m thankful for this person’s testimony and desire to honor the Lord. In situations like this one, changing the subject may be an okay option. Because gossip isn’t good for the speaker either, ideally we want a way to bring it to their attention, even very subtly. Just changing the subject may not be a strong enough social cue for them to realize that their comments were inappropriate. A response like, “Have you talked to [this third party] about your feelings?”, followed by a change of subject may make the point.
However, this may not be sufficient. You may find yourself listening to such comments again, necessitating a more straightforward approach. You could mention the sermon series and share about your newly sensitized awareness of your own speech. Something like, “My pastor is preaching a sermon series from Proverbs on wise speech. My conscience has become very sensitive regarding the kinds of things I talk about. Do you mind if we change the subject?” This is certainly more straightforward than just changing the subject and puts your conversational conviction on the record without being confrontational.
Still, the gossip may persist in subsequent conversations. In that event, I don’t know what would prevent gently sharing your definition of gossip and why you think the speaker's comments qualify. The person may indeed mentally label you “high-and-mighty,” but it is not good for either of you for the gossip to continue. If your reputation in the eyes of one person needs to take a hit, so be it.
May the Lord help us all to steward our tongues well and to wisely apply the Scriptures to difficult situations!
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